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In elementary school it’s pretty straightforward: bringing in cupcakes to help the room mother, reading a story to the class, or helping out at the science fair. Your child is happy proud evento have you be a part of his classroom activities. But then comes middle school. It’s a new world.

“No, Mom! Please don’t come! None of the other parents come, and I don’t want you to be the only one!”

Sound familiar? Yes, parent involvement does change as our kids enter adolescence. So we need to change right along with them. Because NOT being involved is NOT the right answer.

Why is this so important? There are many reasons:

By involving yourself in your child’s middle or high school you are showing him or her that you value education. When you attend school events you are demonstrating commitment to education. This may be one of the most powerful ways to instill this value in your teen.

Students with parents who are involved in their school tend to have better academic performance, fewer behavioral problems, and they are more likely to complete high school.

Despite the impression you may receive from your teenager, recent research shows that teens want their parents involved, and they feel that parent involvement in high school is even more important than in elementary school.

The relationships you develop at school will give you information and insight as to your teen’s world, friendships, and the expectations your child is faced with.

Your involvement lets the school staff know that you value education and that you are someone with whom they can have a relationship. This can have a direct and positive effect on your child’s educational experience.

Should issues arise at the school, or with your child, you will already have relationships with people there that can help you.

Schools need your help. Schools are often understaffed due to tight budgets and they can use your help in many ways.

It can be fun, and in addition to finding new ways to use your skills, you will make new friends in your community.

The more in touch you are with your community, and your child’s friends and friends’ families, the more you are able to knowledgeably support your teen.

If you want to see change, the best way to impact it is to be involved from the inside.

You can learn new skills through your involvement in school.

Involvement in your teen’s school has a direct benefit to both of you. This has been demonstrated over and over again.

Your teen’s response to your participation, however, deserves to be respected. If she doesn’t want you to have direct involvement in her activities there, you can find other ways to be involved.

Here are some approaches you can consider:

What do you do well? If you are comfortable writing, offer to write a piece for the school website or newsletter.

Contact the PTO and offer your services to help them. If you like to cook, offer to prepare a dish for an upcoming event. If you’re a whiz with the computer, they’ll find you a job. Be creative with them in finding an appropriate answer that fits your schedule.

The PTO often has a person who is assigned to gather volunteer names, information about their interests, and serve as a liaison. Touch base with this person; get your name on some lists.

If you are more comfortable with collating or copying papers or doing office work, school staff may soon be fighting over you! Let them know your availability.

If working at home or at night fits your schedule best, let the volunteer organizers know this. They can direct you to appropriate opportunities and will be grateful for your help.

At a minimum, go to all the school events that you can. Get your name on the mailing lists for all announcements. Be there; and be involved. You need to pick up the phone and make it happen. It’s your job, and it matters to your teen’s success.

Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride, and Practical Tips for Parents of Young Teens; What You Can Do to Enhance Your Child’s Middle School Years. As a communications specialist and the parent of two teenagers, she speaks frequently to parents, educators, and other professionals about parenting issues, improving communication, increasing parent involvement, and creating parent discussion groups. Visit her website at http://www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com

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Peggy, mother of 16-year old Shauna and 11-year old Stephanie recently sent an e-mail sharing her success learned from Peaceful Parenting®.

Last fall I heard your Peaceful Parenting® presentation sponsored by my daughter’s middle school PTA. I asked you a question and wanted you to know how helpful your answer has been for my relationship with my eldest daughter Shauna and me.

My complaint to you regarding Shauna’s recent behavior centered around her selfishness, her unkind words and deeds toward her sister and her apparent disrespect of her father and me. Your suggestions were not what I expected. Rather than the usual threats of grounding her or demands for better behavior, you suggested that I talk with Shauna during our “nice feeling” times together. When I told you we don’t have those times any more, you said that this could be at the core of our problems. You suggested that I spend time with Shauna. You emphasized that I not talk with her about my upsets, but rather find something that we have in common that we could enjoy together.

I must tell you that I was very skeptical of this advice. I was afraid that I would give Shauna the impression that all that she had been doing lately was okay with me. But I also knew that I missed the loving relationship I had had with Shauna. So despite my concerns, I followed your suggestion.

At first our time together was stiff. I think Shauna was worried that I was setting a trap for her. But every week we make plans to spend at least one afternoon with each other. Sometimes we go shopping. Other times we might go out to lunch or take a walk in a local park. We don’t have any specific agenda other than spending time with one another.

The results have been wonderful. I feel as though I know my daughter better now than I have in years. I also feel as though she better knows me too. Because I don’t have any kind of an ulterior motive other than getting to know my daughter better, her initial resistance has melted into enthusiasm for our time and for our relationship that matches my own enthusiasm.

And as you predicted, the kinds of mean, selfishness that I noticed in her before has decreased considerably. Don’t get me wrong; Shauna is not a perfect, obedient child. But she is nicer to every one in the family. She is more willing to pitch in and help me around the house. And recently I overheard Shauna and her sister laughing together.

Thank you Dr. Buck for your unusual advice. It was exactly what our family needed to get back on a better, more loving track with one another.

I’m delighted to hear of your success. Thanks for sharing your story so that others can learn from your example.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

http://www.peacefulparenting.com

Improve your family - Improve your world

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The method know as three dimensional ultrasound scanning is used in early pregnancy, it can provide 3d pictures of the fetus. Most times these ultrasound samples are collected and joined together to make a 4d ultrasound scan.

Three dimensional scanning works in the same manner to the normal ultrasound methods except that the ultrasound scanning pulses are sent from multiple directions. The waves are reflected back then captured to provide info to construct a 3d image in much the same way as 3d pictures. 3d ultrasound was started by stephen smith and olaf von ramm at duke university.

It’s important to understand that sonologists around the world always conjured 3d pictures of anatomy or pathology in their minds while doing 2d scans. However, until recently it was impossible to do this type of reconstruction on on data using ultasound scanning. With the introduction of 4d scans for the first time allowed us a peek into the thinking of a sonologist and hence letting us view the images on the ultrasound machine.

4d ultrasound imaging should utilize ultrasound energy following the same limits as conventional 2d ultrasound to create the 3d images. There is no data to suggest harm due to 3d ultasound scanning, its use in none essential situations needs to be undertaken with the understanding of the risks.

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Parenting Question

“I’m spiraling out of control with my three-year-old daughter. She won’t listen
to me and I know that the ‘naughty bench’ isn’t working. I’m at a total loss and
feel like such a failure. I don’t want to hit her or use the kind of strong
verbal yelling that my parents did. What do I do? I want her to understand that
I’m the boss and when I ask her to do something or obey something, she should do
it. My father was giving me parenting advice today and I feel so out of control.
Is this normal child behavior for a three-year-old?”Out-of-Control Mom

Positive Parenting Tip for Child Behavior for a Three Year Old

Dear Out-of-Control Mom:

Firstly, you are NOT a failurejust a mom who needs some new tools.

My guess is that you haven’t had many courses on how to deal with three-year-old
behavior, so be gentle with yourself.

Many parents ask me what’s “normal” when it comes to child behavior for a
three-year-old. No matter what your child’s age, what it comes down to is this:
how is your child’s behavior working for you, and how is it working for them.
From your question, I sense it just ain’t workingperiod!

So let’s first look at what is going on for your daughter. Children at the
pre-school stage are developing a whole host of new skills, including: wanting
more independence (for example, “No, I want to do it by myself!”); asserting
their wants (”I want that!”); and learning about friendship (”Give that back!”).
One of the best things you can do when parenting a three-year-old is to support
your child in attaining these new skills without allowing them to become
demanding or spoiled. To ensure you don’t fall into unhealthy habits that
promote power struggles, choose to use a firmbut kindapproach and look for
ways that your child can learn from each situation.

The more you can allow your three-year-old to do things on her own (and they
won’t be perfect), the less likely she will be to fight you on everything. Look
for household tasks that she can do at her age and find ways that she can help
you out. Have her fill the dog bowl, hold the door open for you when you are
bringing groceries into the house, set the table, etc. The busier you can keep
her doing positive behaviors, the less chance she will move towards negative
ones.

Be warned: even if you take this approach, your daughter is still going to test
you. Below are six simple steps for dealing with three-year-olds when they just won’t
listen:

1. Let Go of Timeouts - Timeouts can work for some children (but there
are far better techniques). Ultimately, the only person we can control is
ourselves. If timeouts are not working (that is, your child refuses to go to the
“naughty bench”, stay on the “naughty bench”, or tells you they make their own
rules and have moved the “naughty bench”), look for other ways to inspire them
to want to be well-behaved (as suggested in the following five steps).

2. Fire Yourself as Boss of the Household! - Many parents buy into the
belief that mom should be the boss of the household and be in control. Yet, we
must remember that we are modeling for our children how to act every single
minute of the day. Our kids learn more from what we do than from what we say. If
they see us pulling rank as “boss”, they will attempt to be “boss” too.
Unfortunately, when this happens, they may outrank us and the real power
struggles will begin!

3. Provide Flexibility with Boundaries - Instead of boss, see yourself as
your child’s coach or guide, responsible for providing them with experiences to
learn from and allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions.
Give clear guidelines, but also give them flexibility too. For example, “Your
toys need to be cleaned up before we go to Grandma’s. Do you want to clean them
up now, or in 5 minutes from now?” If they still don’t clean up, then you might
not go to Grandma’s that day. Children need to know what the rules are and, more
importantly, they need to know you will follow-through with the rules. Once you
become consistent with your behavior, your children will learn to trust what you
say and will improve their behavior accordingly.

4. Stay Firm (but Kind) - If they fight, you follow-through. Do this
without yelling, scolding or punishing. Don’t buy into their tears, and
definitely don’t get into a debate. Stay firm, but stay kind. Tell them that
when they want a hug, to come find you. I know keeping your cool is easier said
than done. For more on this, check out the “Mom’s Time-Out” section (page
111-114) of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids
With You.

5. Use Consequences That Relate to Their Behavior - Punishment teaches
our kids to feel bad, but rarely teaches them how to “do good”. If you are
encountering the same misbehaviors over and over again, your child is clearly
not learning from their mistakes. To facilitate learning, make certain any
consequences used are directly related to the misbehavior. For example, when
your child is rough with the computer, computer time is over; when your child is
splashing water out of the tub, bath time is over; or when your child is goofing
off with their food, dinner is over. Again, do these quickly, but kindly.

6. Thank and Appreciate Your Child for What They Do - Children want to
please and they want to know that their contributions make a difference.
Remember to tell them soand often.

Learning how to motivate our children to want to be well-behaved takes time and
practice. Yet, taking the time now to learn these tools can save you years of
heartache and frustration. Keep reading, keep practicing, and keep empowering
that three-year-old of yours: then watch their behavior change for the better!

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End,
Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves firstfor the
sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to
want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her
free online parenting course here.

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remain as written and include a link to http://www.mommymoments.com as above.

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